Companion Withdrawals

Yes. It's true.

It will be a year at the end of May since I have been home... yet still I suffer from " the anxiety and loneliness that occurs when a person is separated from having someone constantly with them for over a year" syndrome. (You'd think the church would provide a rehab or something...)

At first when coming home, you're kind of elated at the fact you no longer have to do EVERYTHING short of going to the bathroom with someone else. I remember GOING to the bathroom when we were at our apartment just to have a moment to myself. I'm sure they thought I had issues...
On the plane ride home you think of all the things you will be able to do! You no longer have to remember to wait for your companion or have them within earshot and eyesight. You get to make ALL the decisions. FREEDOM my friends... you can feel the freedom waiting for you.

Then you get home. They release you. You are no longer a set apart full-time missionary.

Freedom???

Ah, yes. You are now ALL alone. Alone and free to talk to people and hold the conversation all on your own. Free and alone to go places. Free to make decisions that you don't know the answers to. Free and alone. Alone, and free. Alone. Alone. Alone...

Thus comes the companion withdrawals.

Its not that you miss sharing a bedroom... or a bathroom... or being joined at the hip 24/7.

What you miss is... having someone always there to talk to, someone to share your insights with, someone who gets your inside jokes because they experience all the same situations you do!

It's so cliche to say "I'm surrounded by people, yet I feel so alone." But really, I get it now. Sure, I have made new friends (since all the old ones before the mission are all married, pregnant, or have a couple kids), but somehow, it's just not the same. After the fireside, party, get-together, or whatever, that lonely feeling creeps back up on you.

Some would say marriage is the answer. I'm sure they're right.

MARRIAGE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER.
Especially for an RM.

I again repeat from past posts, I am pro-marriage. Marriage is good. I'd vote for marriage!!
However, marriage is the only commandment I can think of (besides mutiply and replenish the earth) that you cannot keep on your own. You need someone else to help you keep this commandment.

Which is why, since I am such a problem solver, creative thinker/creator, and think out-side the box kind of person... I am determined to find an alternative answer. Because while I may be pro-marriage, there is no one right now that I know of who is interested in helping me keep this commandment.

And to be honest, there's no one I know well enough that I would want to help keep that commandment either. (And even if there was *which there just might be* do you really think I'd admit that on my blog?? I do have some reservations... actually, I have A LOT of reservations).

Too bad I'm not a pet person...